i'm fond of this little place in cyber space, and i'm gonna keep it. however, i can't write as much as i used to because i'm doing more other shit.
this blog, Out on the Limb, is by my new friend Deb. she came all the way from Washington to Mountain Gardens, and after an all too brief spell she's leaving us again. so it goes. parting is such sweet sorrow.
hmmmm.... Mountain Gardens has a mellow, nourishing atmosphere. it's a combination of the more natural setting, the simpler lifestyle, and the community, i think. whatever the formula is, it's condusive to my reimagining my relationships with everyone, 'specially myself. here's the latest halfbaked batch:
i've been over-hyped about my identity, trying to be a hero in my own little epic for a long time (thanks hollywood). i've had to be tense to carry that burden, trying to mould my life to look like the ever-evolving ideal in my head. with so much attention on myself, albeit on an amazing person i'm really not, i haven't been able to "put my attenae up" as far as i'd like to and see what other people are about. and i've had to willfully ignore the stethescope that would tell me how my heart really beats.
not that the ideals i've been carrying laboriously about, (or idols, if you prefer) haven't brought me some good and unusual things. they brought me to the Zoo Academy, to permaculture and anarchy and Earth First!, to Mountain Gardens. to passion. but if i spend all my time leading the horse to water and willing it to drink, i'll never get to taste the water my ownself.
also, i've caught myself thinking that i'm a fish that is wearing some kind of magick/high-tech suit that lets me play on land.